My Castle (AKA: barn) and Learning To Be The Boss Of It

     Farm girl would rather be in her barn than almost anywhere... well, unless it's really cold.... then she'd rather be next to the fireplace in her flannel pajamas. But she LOVES her barn. It took 8 years to make it happen, which is why people should not ask her about it unless they have a lot of time to kill listening to her brag about it, with pictures to boot. For Christmas, her smarty-pants husband got her a hammock to put in there so she can hang out in her happy place...especially once a month, when it's important for her not to be around people. ;) There are pictures below of her barn for you to admire.
  
    Recently, however, a certain new goat attempted a coup of the barn area. He might have actually succeeded, had he not attempted his coup during the one week per month that Farm Girl can top ANY living thing's aggression...even a buck in rut.

     A buck has never lived here permanently. They have always been leased, and then promptly sent home after they had done the deed. So there was never any reason to bond - or even touch - the nasty, stinky boys. However, now that the herd is CAE-free, and now that Farm Girl is incredibly paranoid about bringing diseases into her clean herd, the decision was made to purchase a buck.

     Enter MKF Macy's Henry IV Cognac. Except Farm Girl calls him Jacob, because she wants her Biblical metaphor to stick. In fact, when she sells him eventually and gets a new buck, he will also be called Jacob. Anyway, Farm Girl had very little experience with a buck. The breeder assured her that because he is a bottle baby, he is a sweetheart. He's only a year old, so he isn't even full grown yet...120 pounds max. As he was unloaded, he allowed Farm Girl to lead him around by the collar, and generally behaved like a gentleman. After getting him settled in (on the other side of the property from Rachel and Leah), Farm Girl went in to the house for a while. But being THAT week, she decided that she should go out to check on him before the complaining children got the best of her temper. She walked through the gate, and just like all the goats Farm Girl has raised, he came running to greet her, his cute ears flapping in the wind like Dumbo. (There is nothing cuter than a Nubian goat running). Except when he got to her, he didn't stop. He lifted up his head and brought it full swing into Farm Girl's cramping abdomen. Oh, HELL no. Shocked beyond rational thought, she ran to the barn, which of course he took as, "chase her because she's playing hard to get." Poor Farm Girl was trapped for a solid hour until she could figure out what to do.

     She spent that hour in the barn researching with her phone. As it turns out, this behavior is normal for bucks, and it will get even worse when he is put with the girls next month. Apparently, Farm Girl has to show him she's the boss by TACKLING this beast and holding him down until he stops struggling, which might take up to an hour. This process may have to be repeated multiple times. Seriously???  OK, well, at least he doesn't smell too bad yet.

    He was waiting for her at the door. There was circling by both parties to get in position, then she grabbed his legs and flipped. He actually went down pretty easily. She straddled him and spent 10 minutes heaping verbal abuse on him, during which time he never struggled AT ALL. He was completely subdued. Confident in her victory, Farm girl let him up, and he ran off. "That's RIGHT! And don't you forget it!" she hollered after him.

    But alas, goats are stubborn...and many of them have short term memory deficits... and that was not enough for Jacob to learn his place. After four more days of this nonsense, Farm girl bought a small cattle prod. Nope...still not enough. That just made Jacob angry and more determined. You know what works? You know what Jacob hates more than anything, including electricity? Water. One squirt in the face with a water gun, and Jacob acts like he's been shot with a stream of acid. Jacob and Farm Girl have finally come to an understanding. They will never be friends, but Jacob understands that Farm Girl is BOSS, because she has the deadly 9mm squirt gun.

    

Starting over

     It has been over two years since the last post. Tragedy struck the herd, and Farmgirl was just too sad to write about it. As she feared, all her goats had Caprine Arthritus Encephalitus (CAE). This is like goat AIDS - and it is transmitted by mommies to babies. There is no cure and it is very debilitating (not to mention fatal), so Farmgirl had to start over with a new herd. Lesson learned: never buy animals from the goat equivalent of a puppy mill!

   The new ladies of the pasture are Leah and Rachael. Yes, there is a story behind their names. You see, Rachael comes from a long line of champions in the show goat world. She is genetically superior, and both her price tag and her attitude reflect that lineage. However, her twin sister Leah - while having a gorgeous udder - has a horrendous overbite that makes her resemble a cross between a goat and a beaver. She is the ugliest goat Farmgirl has ever seen. But she was cheap (and a package deal with her sister). Their situation reminded Farmgirl of the story from the Old Testament where Jacob was tricked into marrying the less attractive sister in order to get the pretty one - beautiful Rachael and her ugly sister Leah. Farmgirl sincerely hopes that God will similarly bless Leah with "pretty" babies that don't carry on the genetics behind her unfortunate face.

   Speaking of Jacob, Farmgirl has put a deposit on a yearling buck to "marry" two ladies here. As soon as his CAE test results come in proving that he's safe, he will be coming to live with Rachael and Leah. We will call him Jacob regardless of what his papers say, because this metaphor is just too perfect to let die.

   The barn that Farmgirl has been dreaming of for so long was FINALLY constructed. Farmboy is building stalls, and as soon as he's done, he'll post a video tour. In the meantime, below is a different video for your viewing pleasure. Rachael and Leah have not been taught how get on the milk stand, and in Farmgirl's experience, even when goats do know how to deal with the stand, they still throw a fit about getting their feet trimmed. Farmgirl is DONE trying to hold them down and almost losing fingers when they kick mid-snip. She needed a better way! One day, while flipping through a hunting catalog, the better way came to her - a game wench! She found a truck mounted game wench, attached it to a calf-weighing sling from Jeffer's Livestock, and hoisted the girls up. It worked like a charm! However, Farmgirl is worried that it might be hard on their lungs and rumen to be up like that, so if you try this method, work fast. Also, wait for a good soaking rain to make their hooves soft. Otherwise, it's a lot like using a butter knife to cut steel, and there's nothing fast about it.

Until next month...

Trials and Tribulations of Spring

   Well, it turns out that EVERYBODY is pregnant. Apparently, Super-goat Louis was able to corner Shadow where us lesser mortals have failed. However, that means Farmgirl MUST catch her sometime in the next two weeks so she can wormed and vaccinated. Anyone know where Goat Roping classes are offered?

     Babies are 5 weeks away, which is a little scary, because Tiny and Bailey look way farther along than that. It's already to the point that when Farmgirl brings fresh hay, they look at her and groan, "Oh man, you mean I have to get up?? Can't you just bring it over here and put it on the ground in front me?" Usually, fresh hay and grain delivery are stampede-worthy events.

    Farmgirl is very nervous about this year's deliveries. Last year was her first year to go through that, and she felt SO blessed and thankful that everybody came out feet and head first, just like they were supposed to. Tiny and Socks were even nice enough to have babies in the middle of a very nice day. Books and You-tube videos are great, but there is no substitute for real-life training.  Farmgirl is nervous that perhaps they've decided that this time, she needs real-life lessons in problem deliveries. It's already been a hard year of health problems for 4 of the 5 girls, with lots of vet visits and anti-biotics. In fact, Socks has renamed Farmgirl. She is now known as "the B----- with the needle." Socks has gotten more shots than everyone else put together, and now she is almost as hard to catch as Shadow.

   Everyone is hoping and praying that we do not have the progressive and fatal CAE (Caprine Arthritis Encephalitis - kind of like dairy goat AIDS) on the farm. Socks has very swollen knees, and has been limping for a week. That leaves Farmgirl with basically two possibilities: mycoplasma or CAE. On the off-chance that it's mycoplasma, Socks is getting hard-core anti-biotics until the results of the blood test come in. Farmgirl knew this might be a risk...she bought her first girls from the goat equivalent of a puppy mill, back before she knew anything about goats and what to look for. She thought about testing for CAE last year, but didn't feel comfortable drawing blood at that point. If those tests come back positive, then Farmgirl will have to be very vigilant about delivery so she can take babies away as soon as they come out. Ugh...bottle feeding was not in the plans this year. If Socks has it, it's a safe bet that everybody has it, since the original three are sisters. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

  

Half Way There!

     Spring teased us last week. GORGEOUS skies and temps in the 70s made it hard not to jump the gun and plant the vegetables. But Texas natives know: February is always a tease. It seems like in most of the years we have had big snow storms, they come in February. Good thing we waited, because Winter came back last night. We just keep telling ourselves - and the dogs, and the goats, and the chickens - that we're half-way to Spring. Soon the sun will stay out and the mud will dry up.
     We're also half way to the arrival of kids (the goat kind). The whole family is impatient to know who's pregnant, but not impatient enough to pay for pregnancy tests. Belle and Tiny seem to be showing...enough that if Farmgirl were a betting woman, she would lay down a large sum that they have at least twins tucked up in there. Socks and Bailey are normally fat to begin with, so it's a little harder to tell if that extra bulge is hay or babies. It appears Farmgirl was right about Princess Shadow not liking other goats anymore than she does humans. She looks awfully skinny to have any buns in the oven. It's probably a good thing, too. Everyone else remembered how to get up on the milk stand, and Bailey seemed to learn how to do it by watching the others, so they all got shots. Shadow, however, wouldn't even come out of the pasture, much less get on the stand. Farmgirl can't seem to catch the the little speed demon, either. So she is full of worms and germs, and will be until someone can manage to corner her.
     Finally, we are over half way to getting eggs out of our new pullets. We are expecting to reap that benefit in mid-March. Farmgirl couldn't believe her luck...she managed to sell those three roosters for $5 each! She can't imagine why anyone would PAY for a rooster, let alone pay that much for three and not even try to negotiate. This old guy didn't want to eat them, though. He was looking for boyfriends and protectors for his flock. So that leaves Farmgirl with 5 hens, and these ladies will be living in the coop ALL the time. Hawk from Hell still shows her face around here every now and then, just to see if Farmgirl has let her guard down and given in to the free-range temptation. Maybe if these girls never experience the free-range lifestyle, they won't know what they're missing. Farmgirl plans to be very diligent about moving the coop every two days to help them keep the boredom and the bugs at bay.

The Boys Are Back In Town

      Farmgirl FINALLY brought a boy home. She went and picked up Louis from a neighboring town and brought him home to play for the month. Louis is a very young male...smaller than the three matriarchs of the herd, but he knew exactly what to do. The following is rated PG13.

     Belle and Tiny were grazing happily in the pasture when a fascinating new smell drifted up. "Yes...yes it is!" screamed Tiny. "It's Eau d'Buck! And it's coming closer!" For those of you who have never smelled Eau d'Buck, it is not something you can really describe to the uninitiated. Think of a combination of old urine, fresh urine, and semen all mixed up together with goat fur. Yea, it makes Farmgirl really glad she's not a goat...and that she doesn't have a buck. It's so strong that Tiny and Belle could smell it coming long before we pulled in the drive, and they got everybody else out of the barn and waiting at the gate.

      Louis, being young and relatively small, had never been allowed to play with girls before. But experience is not necessary when instinct kicks in. He got one whiff of Tiny, who was in heat, and within 2 minutes of unloading him, they were going at it. Belle was furious. "First of all, you slut, you're supposed to play hard to get. At least make him chase you!" Tiny had presented her backside to him as soon as he was out, and even wagged her tail to make sure he got a good nose-full. Belle continued her tirade. "Second of all, I AM the herd queen, which means I get dibs!" But no one paid her any attention. It reminded Farmgirl of a jilted girlfriend following her ex and his new girlfriend around, trying to get him back...with an Alanis Morrisette song playing in the background.

    After about an hour of Tiny and Louis having their party, and Belle whining about it being her turn, Louis decided to let her play. "Oh, you want some of this?" he said in his best sleazy voice. "How YOU doin?" And Belle finally got her turn. Socks never went into full heat, but Louis doesn't really get that "no means no," so she got a turn, as well. Farmgirl isn't sure about Bailey and Shadow. Since Shadow feels that she's too good for anyone to touch her, AND she is lightening fast, it's doubtful that Louis managed to have his way with her. We'll know in a couple of months.

    Louis went home the week before Christmas, and Farmgirl was SO glad to be rid of him. It is grosser than gross to watch him test for hormones by sticking his head in a stream of doe pee. YUCK! Then when Farmgirl feeds everyone, he likes to scratch his head on her pants, which is the LAST thing she wants. I'm sure the unfriendly neighbors got a good laugh watching her try to feed while running around the trough and Louis giving chase. Artificial insemination is looking better and better. 

   But the girls are feeling oh so satisfied, and they get expensive alfalfa hay for the next 4 months to support the pregnancy (it's like folic acid for goats). Farmgirl is feeling oh so satisfied, too, because she outsmarted mother nature...babies will come in Spring instead of Winter!!! No more sitting in the barn in the middle of the night when it's 20 degrees, waiting for labor!

Happy New Year!

Birds, Bees, and Sex on the Farm

      What a fun title to type!!! Are you shocked?? It's really not as sleazy as it sounds...don't be afraid to keep reading.

       When Farmgirl and her family moved to their little slice of heaven, the neighbors across the road - the ones that resent the goat opera (see earlier post) - were not very happy. They don't like people anymore than they like goats. They are old and don't want any more "city" families invading their turf. They were pretty ugly to us, but in an effort to create peace, Farmgirl made bread (albeit with a boxed mix and a bread machine) and took it to the lady of the house. She gave a jar of honey from her bee hives in exchange, and then continued to be ugly to us. Now, Farmgirl was pretty ignorant about honey bees when she first got out here, and those hives sit 20 feet from her mailbox and driveway. She had nightmares about kids getting attacked as they walked home from the bus, or the bees attacking someone who was mowing... all sorts of scary things. As it turns out, the bees are a whole lot nicer then the beekeepers. We've never had any problem with them, and in fact they've been very helpful in pollinating the fruit trees.  Lesson learned: as long as you aren't allergic - and we aren't - bees are our friends. Farmgirl always knew that in her head, but didn't actually believe it until she lived with them for a couple of years.

    Birds are an entirely different story. Case in point:  our nemesis - the chicken hawk from hell. She and her devil spawn chicks stalk the pasture on a weekly basis. So Farmgirl puts the chickens in the coop, which they HATE, until she disappears. It's awful to watch them pace, and frantically peck at the door, and try to make a break for it during feeding time. When the hawk hasn't shown up for a week or two,  they get to go back out to free range. But she's not gone...NOOO...she is just lying in wait. This hawk is huge, so it's a total mystery how she's managing to stay hidden. The current score is her: 3 (number of birds she's killed and not even had the decency to eat) and Farmgirl: 1 (number of pellets that have actually hit the target). Federal law and Farmboy, who doesn't trust Farmgirl with a real shot gun in a semi-rural area, protect that you-know-what from the real firepower, but pellets are fair game. The goal here is for the hawk to understand that those chickens just aren't worth the psycho red-head patrolling the pasture with her son's pellet gun. Those pellets hurt, I'm sure. Maybe she'll get tetanus.

   Sex on the farm, you ask? Well, the goats are in heat...like CRAZY horny-in-heat. Belle is the worst. She alternates between rearing up and head butting everybody and then trying to hump them... the other does, chickens, Farmgirl, the fencepost...it doesn't matter. And oh, the hollering!!!
        "PLEASE, mom, PLEEEEEASE bring us a boy! We are dying!!! We NEED to get laid right now!!! This is an emergency!!"
        Farmgirl has told them that the family is going on a trip over Spring Break, so babies must be born in April. That means no sex until December.
       "DECEMBER?!?! But we'll never make it that long!!! We have needs, mom!"
       Sorry, girls, the fencepost will have to suffice for now. Or... if you can catch that hawk...

Passionate topic time

    Although I have a lot of fun referring to myself in third person and laughing at my farming trial and errors, this is a serious post... one that calls for first person omniscient (you know, where the author is the narrator and she knows everything).

     I just had a conversation with a good friend about a subject that is near and dear to my heart: ADD and other learning disabilities, the journey with a child touched by these, and all the educational implications that come with it. I am on the downhill side (notice I did NOT say "end") of that journey with my 14 year old son, and the uphill side - but considerably less steep - with my 10 year old daughter. My friend is just about to take her first step - and she needed advice. I have SUCH strong feelings about this subject, and I have so much to say about it, that it's on my heart to write it down. So pardon my digression from humorous goat management stories.

     Teachers started calling me about my son when he was four. It seemed he couldn't sit still during story time. He wasn't just restless and fidgeting, either. He was running around the room at top speed while all the other children were sitting quietly on the carpet. I had no idea how much that first phone call foreshadowed the next ten years, or how much it would change everything about me and how I think. It's especially profound since before I became Farmgirl, I was a teacher.

    We pretty much progressed through the same stages that all parents in our situation go through:
1) He's just a boy...that's how boys are, and I'm sick of the teacher-doctor conspiracy that over-diagnoses this for the sake of quiet classrooms.
2) OK, maybe he does have ADHD, but I am NOT putting my kid on Speed (Amphetamines).
3) If one more person compares this to a parent withholding insulin from a diabetic kid, I will go homicidal!
4) Let's try the Feingold diet and 15 other very expensive alternative treatments, from neuro-feedback, to acupuncture, to special physical therapy for brain-training.
5) I give up...I can't have these homework battles every night, I can't take any more teacher/principal phone calls, and my son thinks he's a stupid, good-for-nothing, waste of a human. Give him the drugs.
6) I can't believe we didn't do this sooner.
7) Have the meds stopped working because of his hormones?
8) He doesn't want the meds anymore because he doesn't like the way they make him feel in the evening. How can we help with this?
9) Wow, this kid is turning out ok...I think we're actually going to live through this.

    It's no coincidence that those steps get progressively more rational...that's a God-thing. With my daughter, we got to skip steps 1-8. She isn't so bad that she needs medicine, not only because she's a girl (it looks VERY different in girls), but because she is the most self-driven little girl I have ever met, and she reads social cues better than she reads books. She struggles more with a learning disability in math than with ADD. 

   So as I'm sharing all this with my friend - and telling her what kind of a doctor to see, how it will be diagnosed, and what teachers can and can't say, and all the different alternative treatments we tried, and what I've noticed in her child - I'm struck by all I've learned. It changed the way I teach and tutor - I learned more about education from my son than I ever did in college. It changed the way I interacted with my students and their parents. It affected the way I planned lessons and assessments. It gave me more insight into the minds of boys, and showed me how significant the link is between gender and learning. It made me infinitely more patient. All-in-all, it has been SO much more of a gift than a burden. Why couldn't I have seen all this at the beginning of the journey, or even in the middle?? (Duh - because it requires the journey to learn it, which is probably why God dropped it on me in the first place).

   My son, while he still struggles to stay organized and read social cues about when he's being obnoxious and annoying, has developed a deep empathy towards the struggles of other kids. He is so kind-hearted and non-judgmental...the only people I ever hear him criticize are the ones picking on the kids with problems. He knows what his weaknesses are and he consciously works to overcome and compensate for them. When he doesn't do as well as he can and should, he recognizes it and tries to do better the next day. How many other kids have that kind of self-awareness at 14??? He tells me everyday that he loves me, and he knows how hard I work to help him, and he appreciates it. He actually says that to me all the time! He even tells me when I do too much and cross the line into enabling. He wouldn't have that frame of mind without the struggles he's been through.

   While my daughter is by far easier to parent, my son has made me a better person...and continues to inspire me everyday. There were so many days when I thought college would never be possible for this kid, he would never find a girl that can put up with him, and he will live with us until he's 50. I am ashamed at my lack of faith, and in awe of his emotional and mental growth.  He will move out, go to college, and (God-willing) get married...which is the only thing on that list which I consider optional.

     So for those of you that might read this and be at stages 1-8: there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's really bright. Don't be discouraged by the daily battles and pitfalls and teacher phone calls and zeroes in the grade book. However, I will say this: I'm not sure how people do this without God in their life. My sense of peace and ability to see the big picture is ONLY because a lot of people pray for us every day. My mommy prayer group has saved Kyle from being verbally abused several times. Especially when my PMS is visiting, it's really a choice between God and Child Protective Services.

    I could write more - pages and pages more - but that's the snapshot that I wanted to present. I'm going back to the pasture (and third person limited)  now with a clear conscience that I have done what God told me to do. "Peace out," as my kids would say.