What a fun title to type!!! Are you shocked?? It's really not as sleazy as it sounds...don't be afraid to keep reading.
When Farmgirl and her family moved to their little slice of heaven, the neighbors across the road - the ones that resent the goat opera (see earlier post) - were not very happy. They don't like people anymore than they like goats. They are old and don't want any more "city" families invading their turf. They were pretty ugly to us, but in an effort to create peace, Farmgirl made bread (albeit with a boxed mix and a bread machine) and took it to the lady of the house. She gave a jar of honey from her bee hives in exchange, and then continued to be ugly to us. Now, Farmgirl was pretty ignorant about honey bees when she first got out here, and those hives sit 20 feet from her mailbox and driveway. She had nightmares about kids getting attacked as they walked home from the bus, or the bees attacking someone who was mowing... all sorts of scary things. As it turns out, the bees are a whole lot nicer then the beekeepers. We've never had any problem with them, and in fact they've been very helpful in pollinating the fruit trees. Lesson learned: as long as you aren't allergic - and we aren't - bees are our friends. Farmgirl always knew that in her head, but didn't actually believe it until she lived with them for a couple of years.
Birds are an entirely different story. Case in point: our nemesis - the chicken hawk from hell. She and her devil spawn chicks stalk the pasture on a weekly basis. So Farmgirl puts the chickens in the coop, which they HATE, until she disappears. It's awful to watch them pace, and frantically peck at the door, and try to make a break for it during feeding time. When the hawk hasn't shown up for a week or two, they get to go back out to free range. But she's not gone...NOOO...she is just lying in wait. This hawk is huge, so it's a total mystery how she's managing to stay hidden. The current score is her: 3 (number of birds she's killed and not even had the decency to eat) and Farmgirl: 1 (number of pellets that have actually hit the target). Federal law and Farmboy, who doesn't trust Farmgirl with a real shot gun in a semi-rural area, protect that you-know-what from the real firepower, but pellets are fair game. The goal here is for the hawk to understand that those chickens just aren't worth the psycho red-head patrolling the pasture with her son's pellet gun. Those pellets hurt, I'm sure. Maybe she'll get tetanus.
Sex on the farm, you ask? Well, the goats are in heat...like CRAZY horny-in-heat. Belle is the worst. She alternates between rearing up and head butting everybody and then trying to hump them... the other does, chickens, Farmgirl, the fencepost...it doesn't matter. And oh, the hollering!!!
"PLEASE, mom, PLEEEEEASE bring us a boy! We are dying!!! We NEED to get laid right now!!! This is an emergency!!"
Farmgirl has told them that the family is going on a trip over Spring Break, so babies must be born in April. That means no sex until December.
"DECEMBER?!?! But we'll never make it that long!!! We have needs, mom!"
Sorry, girls, the fencepost will have to suffice for now. Or... if you can catch that hawk...
